Walkin' After Midnight
by brwrites
Summary: The night Alison is buried, Charlotte returns to Radley, terrified she's lost her family for good. One-shot. Based on the 6x10 finale!


**A/N: I just wrote this spontaneously because the finale inspired me. I kept it short because I have another story I need to work on. For the record, I think both Mrs. D and CeCe have done terrible, irredeemable things, but I loved their dynamic. I've always had a soft spot for mother-daughter bonds.**

* * *

Charlotte DiLaurentis carefully sets a record onto her old turntable and adjusts the tonearm. Once the needle touches vinyl, the track starts to spin and a wonderfully nostalgic tune fills the room. She hasn't listened to this one since her Charles days. Her mother had gently warned her that leaving behind an identity meant leaving behind old habits, too, or else people would notice.

But tonight she needs the comfort. She needs to embrace the old memories of the day Great Aunt Carol brought that record player here, covered in dust from her attic. Mom cleaned it up and the three of them spent hours joyously dancing to fifties music of all genres. They rocked around the clock and went walking after midnight, laughing throughout it all. That was before Charlotte was officially Charlotte. Her features were still small and boyish and her body wasn't the right shape to fill her dress, but she felt elegant as she pulled on boa and twirled around her bedside lamp like it was a city streetlight.

"It feels like we're in New York, in one of those music videos they show on TV," Charles giggled.

"All you have to do is turn on the music when you feel like leaving Radley. It has a way of taking you somewhere beautiful, and making you feel beautiful, too," Mom said. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to her child's short blonde hair. "A young lady should always feel beautiful."

Charlotte has changed completely since that night, at least physically. Her hair is now long and flowing, her body shapely, and she bears a stronger resemblance to her sister than to her brother. Her reflection finally matches what she's always felt inside. A long time ago, she thought that would solve things, but it doesn't. The emptiness in her chest is still there.

It's not that she _misses_ her Charles days. Most of her childhood was dark and lonely, yet there was an innocence there; an innocence now long gone and she can't replace it. It was the only time she truly had a family. Even when she was around Jason and Alison this summer, it didn't feel the same as it did back then, when she lived in the same house as them and they all ate cereal and watched cartoons together. They didn't really know her now like they would've if she had only made that damn water in the bath a little cooler.

That was the first time she screwed up and tonight was the second. Now Alison's gone for good and their mother, the only real piece of her family Charlotte's gotten to keep over the years- well, she's gone too. Maybe not for good, but for now, and it all feels the same.

Charlotte bobs her head to the music, ignoring the tears that streak her cheeks. The image of her baby sister standing in that yellow top in the dead of night is frozen in her head. She resists the urge to run to the phone to try to call her mother because she knows she won't get an answer tonight.

You can love someone too hard. Mom taught her that.

It wasn't long after she'd first come to Radley. She'd cried long and hard when her mom tried to leave, so the older woman spent the night in the children's ward. They sat in an old wooden rocker and Jessica hugged her little Charlie to her chest, wiping away every tear and quieting every whimper.

"I didn't mean to hurt baby Ali," Charles sniffled. "I wanted her to be happy because I love her."

"I know, baby," Jessica cooed. "Sometimes we make mistakes with ones we care about without even realizing it. You loved her so hard it hurt her. It was a mistake but we can't undo it. We have to keep moving forward and make do with what we're given."

That's how her mother operates. When she messes up, she makes a thousand more plans and cover-ups and trudges on. For the first time, Charlotte realizes that maybe that way of thinking has gotten her into trouble along the way. She never fixes the root of the problem and her secrets always snowball bigger, but at least she has a plan. At least she can move on when the worst has happened.

Charlotte loves her family. Her love is hard and fiercely protective. It finds its way into unwanted spaces, and maybe that protective, fiery longing for her family has caused her to quite literally love her sister to death. All the way to her backyard grave. And maybe she loved her mother so hard she's chased her away for good.

Tonight's events will soon be in the past. Will she be a problem worth fixing, or will her mother trudge forward and leave her behind, too?

Charlotte tears off her black hoodie and rummages through her drawers. She pulls out a maxi dress the color of sunshine and pulls it over her body. Her mother gave this one to her and a matching one to Alison. When she wears it, she feels closer to both of them.

 _Walkin' After Midnight_ plays on the record and Charlotte dances to it even though she's still crying and she knows that a nurse finding her like this will only result in her being put on more psychotropic drugs.

She wants to feel the innocence from her memories, but her childhood has died along with Charles. It's as dead as her sister in the grave.

* * *

 **I hope this was at least decent :) I'm not super educated on transgender issues so let me know if I made any mistakes with pronouns. I tried not to.**


End file.
